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Saturday, January 23, 2010 @ 3:50 AM

What would my answers be?
Woke up in the mid of the night, baby's still sound asleep in my bedroom, bored.. Finished watching the show "家好月圆" in just 4days, its a nice and touching show, watched non stop even when working. Just don't know why i cant get asleep, i should be very tired after watching the show whole day long... hummm... mmmm...



Something got in my mind, i'm turning 21 in 4 months time and i am starting to fear about it. But why? others should be happy, birthday is coming and can have a great time thinking how to celebrate their birthday esp their 21st birthday, what isit to be fear about? I'm not scare to turn older, its just that i felt in my 20years of living i've nvr done anything that is really right for the ppl around and even for myself, my career, friends, family even ♥relationships. Some says it is good to become me, i've got a nice mother who thinks and do everything for me, a brother who dotes me, a dad who gives me money and buy whatever i asked for, i've got many many friends and i also had a very very good and gentle boyfriend who's willing to sacrifice for me, cares for me and stays by my side, everything sounds so beautiful in my life. But to me, all these little and little things combined and they became a point, a big problem in my heart, i felt so empty in it, not because i don't feel enough from them, its from me, i didn't give my best to them, whenever i feel happiness's around that bit of stressfulness came around as well . Thinking over and over again, i felt myself uselessly living throughout the years, so what if i've got a diploma in my makeup and works for my dad freely and get paid every month end, after all i'm just a artist and a coordinator who only stays at home rots wait for customers to call me up. This is not what i actually wanted in the first place, ppl around always ask for advises, tells me whats happening, ask me what they should or shouldn't do and i've been answering to their questions all this time but i did not ask or give an answer to myself. I even always tells others what i want in future but i did nothing to it, all i did is thinking and then dreaming, felt really sorry for the ppl who concerns. I failed in becoming a lady, i really cant imagine how i am when 21st reaches.. I wish there would be a retake in my life but i know there wouldn't be, hope there's a ending to my laziness, i don't want fails and falls anymore... 




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